Here we are 10 days into the ‘back together’ adventure. It’s been good, overall. J did freak the fuck out on me on Saturday, she had her first gig as a massage therapist and I’d drank way too much on Friday night. Apparantly I was supposed to wake up and say ‘GOOD LUCK, YOU’RE GOING TO DO GREAT!!!’, instead, all I mustered was a haggard, ‘Ugh…I’m hung over’, complete with a text at noon that said, “Breaker 1 9, I’m hung, over”.
I’m in a good mood nonetheless, and ask her numerous questions after she gets home about the massages, client response, tell her I’m proud of her. An hour later, she’s laying in to me because my buddy C and I took over the conversation from her and C’s wife the night before (we were drunk, recall, and we talk loud anyway). She’s upset because I didn’t get her flowers for her first day, didn’t realize it was such a big day, and another complaint or two that I can’t recall. At this point, I calmly say something along the lines of;
"After hearing that, it makes me feel unappreciated, resentful, actually. I think you could have come home and said ‘Thank you sooo much for giving me the opportunity to get my LMT, paying my way through school and taking care of my daughter and I while I didn’t work, not to mention getting me my very first gig!’"
She spirals down into the ‘old J’ mode instantly, and this scares the shit out of me. She’s mousy, scared, and taking 45 minutes to explain something that should have taken 45 seconds. It’s unbearably painful to watch, much less be on the receiving end where everything I say or do is directly related to her self-image. She’d invited J and C over for dinner again that night, and we were still negotiating this BS when they show up. They choose to bail to avoid the drama (I was almost choosing the same thing).
It pissed me off so much that J reverted into this ‘I need you to validate me in just the right way, even without me telling you what that way is’ mode. Fuck that!
In any case, I managed to stay calm throughout it and explained my side again and again. Eventually, she apologizes and we move on. Sunday she pulls the same shit again, this time because she feels guilty for Saturday, at least she catches it early this time and apologizes again.
Monday I fell asleep on the massage chair because she got puking-drunk Sunday night. I come to bed at 5:30am and she says ‘are you mad at me?’ WTF? This bullshit is why I left!!! I say ‘now I am’!
In any case, this one turned out to be caused by my getting upset when she’d set a date to make love and broke it in the past (Sunday night she’d said she wanted nooky). When I explained I wasn’t mad about that at all, then apologized that I got upset after she asked what used to be a codependent question (why did I apologize again?…oh yeah, because I over-reacted). I hate drama.
So, we move forward, the old J disappeared on Sunday afternoon and the new J is back (for two days now). I can handle this drama once in a long while, but not 2 out of every 7 days. We’ll see how it goes from here.